I love talking with students about their dating relationships. It can be such a confusing time with lots of pressure and mixed emotions. Here’s some advice I have that usually comes up during a discussion with a student about their dating relationships. (Feel free to disagree.)

• The question should never be, “What do I want to get out of this relationship?” The question is, “What am I willing to give to this relationship?”
• Don’t be content with someone who only meets up to your list of expectations. Wait for someone who blows your list out of the water, redefines everything on it and adds things to it you never knew you needed until you met that person.
• Trying to figure out what you’re looking for in a mate is not nearly as important as becoming who God wants you to be for your future mate.
• The pressure to “find the right one” isn’t totally your responsibility if you live for God and follow His plan for your life to the best of your ability. When you’re in tune with God’s direction, the right person will come at the right time.
• Hanging out just as friends in groups with the opposite gender makes more sense because then you can get to know each other without the pressure of a dating relationship and observe how they interact with other people. In a dating relationship, both people put their best face forward in order to impress the other person. It’s much more difficult to get to know the “real” person.
• When a dating relationship is over, usually the friendship is, too. But getting to know each other as friends allows for a friendship to continue for the rest of your lives even if you both marry different people. Plus, your mate first needs to be your best friend anyway.
• Put the breaks on physical expressions of your feelings for each other. As time goes on, the need to express your romance only intensifies.
• Never date an unbeliever.
• Cut it off if you ever start to base your identity, security, or self-esteem on the relationship. Find those things in God, not a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• In school you already have so many other pressures and responsibilities, don’t be consumed with dating.

Posted on October 14, 2007